Reality Newsies
by Thalia the Showgirl
Summary: Reality TV-Newsies style! What happens when you grab the newsboys and shove them in random places with crazy, random people...
1. Auditions

Character Profiles:  
  
Name: Thalia  
  
Something you should know: I'm the narrator! And I created this story, so there! I HAVE POWERRR!!!! You will obey my every command! And if you don't I'll kill you off *grins evilly* adios amigos.  
  
Why I'm here: Duh. Someone has to control everything!! And I am just the girl (psycho) to do it (to kill everybody) *kills whoever is controlling the little snide comments in brackets* so you know who I am now right?  
  
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Name: Mush  
  
Something you should know: I am a newsboy…I have curly, curly hair!! I am hot!   
I have a great body!! *Grins* I am also very…*whispers to someone off camera* Blink…Hey Blink, what was that word again?? *Coughs and turns back to camera* Modest, I am modest, and I thought of that word all by myself!! *Psychotic grin* Aren't you proud of me??  
  
Why I'm here: *a girl with dark hair hops onto the screen and pushes him out of the way* Hi! I'm Mage, he's here cause Thalia has a huge crush on him!! *Thalia jumps down from her big-house-where-she-has-decided-she-is-going-to-live and pushes Mage back off screen*. *Mush reappears* Wow…girls! There are girls here? *Grins* maybe this won't be so bad after all!! Yeah, I'm here because everybody loves me *smiles smugly* see Blink, everybody loves me and nobody loves you, nah-nah!  
  
  
  
Name: Mage! Sometimes called Magey when Dutchy is whining at me…apparently Magey is easier to say in a whiney voice than Mage…I don't know…or care…  
  
Something you should know: *shouts* Thalia fancies Mu-ush! Oh…and I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves get on your nerves *continues singing as she is dragged off camera by a random person.  
  
Why I'm here: *Thalia appears* since Mage has…umm…unfortunately…had to leave…I'll explain! Mage is my *cough* best friend. And she is mean. And I don't love Mush. Really.  
  
  
Name: I'se Dutchy!  
  
Something you should know: I'se from New Yawk, so's Mush! And da others! And I speak in an annoyin' New Yawk accent! Allllllll day! I'se blond…and I'se pretty! And I like to say 'I'se'!  
Why I'm here: Because Thalia said dere was jumping sheep heah and I wanted to see them!! But she lied! Dere are no jumping sheep! *Sobs* and no toikeys…and no pigs…or bunny wabbits! *Suddenly grins* But dere's Mush, an' he's more entertaining than all of dem put togedah!!  
  
  
Name: Blink,  
  
Something you should Know: I-AM-BLOND *grins* blond! Blond! Blond! Blond! Blond! And I whine… yup-yup I doooo! Plus I look really like Bender from Futurama when I grin! I also want sex. Now. With anybody, the mayors daughter, Mage, Thalia, heck, even Mush would do *blushes* umm…I love magic jumping beans *grins*  
  
Why I'm here: *scowls* Because Thalia gave me magic jumping beans and pick elephants and goats were all around me then I woke up and I was here…and all the goats were gone *sobs* I think she Blink-napped me…is that a word? *shouts* Mush, is that a word? *Looks back to camera* Yes. Mush says it is. Thalia brought me here! SAVE ME! *suddenly opens his eyes wide* Hang on, Thalia is female…so is Mage…so is- or maybe not… woohoo women! *jumps up and down singing and runs off into the sunset*  
  
  
  
Name: Fishy-fish-fish the third (a Character from 'These Things Just Happen ya Know' by Kathryn O'Brien.)  
  
Something you should know: *A scary looking fish sits on a chair facing the camera and smoking a cigar. He blows clouds of smoke into the screen and chews the end in an evil not-to-be-trusted way* What's a fish got tah do huh? One minute I was just swimming happily in my bowl…then this bum comes along and says 'I'm gunna call you fishy-fish-fish the thoid' and it stuck. Like glue sticks to flamingos. But I'll get him *chuckles softly* he doesn't know it yet but boy will I get him…  
  
Why are you here: To get hold a' that idiot Bumlets and make him repent! REPENT I TELL YA! I'll make him beg foah forgiveness! You just wait an' see…*smiles, revealing big, black, sharp teeth. Proceeds to stalk off in search for the-one-wid-da-hair-that-they-call-Bumlets*  
  
  
Name: *a guy with black hair creeps out from behind a palm tree and tiptoes over to the chair, he speaks in a whisper. * I'se the-one-wid-da-hair-that-they-call-Bumlets, or Bumlets for short.  
  
Something you should know: I like fish *smiles* but not fishy-fish-fish the thoid *scowls* he is mean and nasty and *shudders* scary! *Sucks his thumb* oh mummmyyyy…don't' let da fishy get meeee! *Attempts to run away but is grabbed by Thalia and dragged back to the camera*.  
  
Why are you here: *chews his thumb slowly* umm…I dunno. Cause dis Island has a biggggggg sea wid lotsa fishes. That I can talk to. All day. *Looks around nervously* Can I go now? *Thalia nods and he runs back behind his palm tree*.  
  
  
Name: Cowboy *Thalia shakes her head and looks at his sternly* Okay…. Jack Kelly *Thalia glares* Okayyyyy! Francis Sullivan, but don't tell nobody…they'll laugh at me, an' dey can't laugh at dey're leadah! Dat's me by da way!  
  
Something you should know: *sings* I am da leadah so nah-nah-nee-nah-nah! *Thalia's voice is heard from somewhere behind the camera* Not on this island honey… *Jack looks shocked* What? I'm not dah leadah? Huh? Okay…in dat case…I want tah go tah Santa Fe! You didn't know dat right?  
  
Why are you here: Umm…well if I'm not da leadah then I can be da cook right? *grins* Alright! I'm da cook! Woohoo! *Thalia throws him a chef's hat which he puts on and runs off into the distance wearing*.  
  
  
  
Name: Maria!  
  
Something you should know: *grins* well…haven't you noticed yet? I got my brace out the other day!! WOOHOO! Umm… I-like-sugar. Sugar is goooodddd. Me, Mage and Thalia spend wayyyy too much time together! And I have a General certificate of secondary education in feeding cheese to monkeys. Yay.  
  
Why are you here: Cause there are lots of monkeys *screams* No!!! I FORGOT THE CHEESE! *Cries* dammit! Ah well…In that case I will have to spend my time doing something more use- WOW! *Stares at a guy on the beach* or maybe I can entertain myself in other ways… *runs over to the guy* have you got a towel I can sunbath on honey? *Smiles sweetly* *the guy stares at her and says blankly* Yeah but it'll cost ya a buck…*they argue about paying for towel hire until Thalia calls the guy over to the camera*  
  
  
Name: *sings* my name is Skittery  
  
Something you should know: I sing well. And if ya want a towel it'll cost ya! Do you think I could make a business out of hiring towels *gets lost in though* hmm…  
  
Why are you here: To get a suntan. They all told me I was miserable *sniff* and the only way to get un-miserable is to get maximum-sun-exposure. Yeah man.   
  
  
  
Name: *grins psychotically* Dr. Frank N. Furter. Next Question?  
  
Something you should know: I like to dress in women's clothes and seduce males *licks his lips* and I love fishnets…mmm….  
  
Why are you here: Because my spaceship crashed *smiles* *silence* *shouts* Do you not find my joke funny?! *False laughter* I am here to carry out important 'things' if you disturb me then I will do scary things to that *points at Mush who is chasing a monkey along the beach' *Thalia gulps and hides behind a tree saying nothing (for once)*  
  
  
  
Name: Christian  
  
Something you should know: Love is many a splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!  
  
Why are you here: *shouts melodramatically and poetically* to find my destiny, to find myself! To learn what life is all about, to be separated from all that keeps me, all that I have known…To learn about love and all it's many- *Is dragged off camera* *his voice continues* values and woes to find a cure for all the suffering and- *kersplat-is hit round head with hammer*  
  
  
Name: *smiles shyly and says in falsely high pitched voice* Princess Gwen *flutters eyelashes*  
  
Something you should know: *shrieks* Alas, this island is far too hot, somebody bring me a parasol! And some iced tea!  
  
Why are you here: Alas alack, woe is me! My carriage broke down when I was making a royal visit to some peasants so I have come in search of a fair prince to rescue me! *suddenly chaos ensues as the monkey, followed by Mush runs in front of the camera, the monkey (or professor Chinwag as is shall henceforth be called) jumps onto Gwen's head, knocking her hat off and revealing a wool hat that jumps off her head and shoves her off the chair. Mush, Princess Gwen and Professor Chinwag are pushed off screen by Thalia and peace returns*  
  
  
Name: *Suddenly a hole appears just below the bobble of the woolhat* Bertie, da green woolhat wid a Brooklyn accent! But you'se can call me Bertie if ya like…  
  
Something we should know: Well ain't it obvious, I'se a green woolhat. Dere's not an awful lot more tah say.  
  
Why are you here: Right, I'se belong to dis guy called Mike Nesmith, only thing is dat he's a transvestite and likes tah dress as dis woman called Gwen or somethin' like dat. Well when he's dressed as Gwen he wears dis hat called Denise, she's a right slapper and I was startin' tah feel kinda neglected dat he liked her more dan me, any respectable hat would! So when your monkey dere knocked her on da ground I made my escape, like ya do! And now I'se gunna have some adventures of me own!  
  
  
Name: *says in a Transylvanian accent* Professor Chinwag, resident genius and inventor!  
  
Something you should know: Ah-ha! Eureka! *Blank looks* those are my favourite words! Das is something you should know!! *More blank looks* Ah, alas, I am wasted on you people!  
  
Why are you here: To become a world famous inventor! I will be the only primate ever to invent anything, no? And here there are many gullible people for me to test my inventions on! *Cough* I mean many sweet volunteers *smiles sweetly*  
  
  
  
Name: *flutters eyelashes and tosses long ribbon attached to her* Denise, princess Denise to you!  
  
Something you should know: I'm looking for someone tall, dark and handsome. Preferably made of chenille or similar, though I wouldn't say no to a top hat if there are any watching…  
  
Why are you here: Because I've dated every good-looking hat in England, I need some new challenges…personally I quite like that Bertie…just don't tell him I said that…*sigh* we'd make such a wonderful couple!  
  
  
  
Name: Miss Nelly! Dahlin' sweetums!  
  
Something you should know: Someone has stolen my bloomers! Oh dear! What will I do without them? *Sigh*  
  
Why are you here: Because *sings-very badly and out of tune* One day my prince will come…la la de dum-dee-dum…sorry, I forgot the rest of the words *smiles sweetly* *Thalia ignores the fact that this did not answer the question and instead switches the camera off* *she shouts* Okay everybody, auditions over, you're all going to be on television *cheers* Thalia snaps her fingers and they all disappear, 'cause that's what happens in fanfics! 


	2. Big Mudda (Big Brother)

Chapter One: Big Mudda  
  
  
*Thalia appears* Hello and welcome to the big Mudda house…the idea is for all of us to live in this house and vote one person out a day. To do this we go into the diary room and talk to our Big Mudda, her name's Medda. So…lets enter the house *she clicks her fingers*  
  
*Suddenly all of the contestants appear in a tangled pile in the middle of a ballroom* *a Swedish accented voice comes from nowhere* Welcome to the big Mudda house, I am Medda, your big Mudda. *suddenly the room is illuminated with pink light, Frank grins evilly, Mush cowers behind Thalia.* and this is Irving Castle! *she whispers* I got sick of Irving Hall… Anyway! You will now be shown to your rooms, make yourselves at home *evil laugh* *Mush cowers even further behind Thalia* on each of the doors to your rooms there will be pinned a list of the residents of each room. *All of a sudden all of the contestants are lifted into mid air and disappear, seconds later they find themselves in their rooms…*  
  
  
  
  
Rooms List:  
  
*~Room One~*  
  
Residents: Mush, Miss Nelly, Christian, Bertie, Frank.  
  
*~Room two~*  
  
Residents: Thalia, Bumlets, Maria, Princess Gwen.  
  
*~Room Three~*  
  
Residents: Mage, Dutchy, Professor Chinwag, Skittery  
  
*~Room Four~*  
  
Residents: Denise, Blink, Jack Kelly, fishy-fish-fish the third  
  
  
  
Day One:  
  
Mush looked around nervously at the other residents of his room…he felt fed up. He was locked in a small dormitory with a melodramatic poet, a wool hat and two transvestites… He was pretty nervous and his building anxiety wasn't helped when Frank wondered over and started sniffing him. Suddenly sharing a dorm with twenty or so other newsboys didn't really seem so bad. At least they didn't wear women's clothes…well not all the time…  
Frank grinned and stood up slowly, everybody remained silent and looked slowly up at him  
"So…" he said with a sly smile "who's ready for bed?" Mush worried some more, there was no way he was going to sleep in a room with that. Meanwhile Miss Nelly was painting her nails a vibrant shade of magenta on her bed, this interested Mush a lot and he watched her intently, suddenly the voice of Medda filled the room…  
"Oh My lovey dovey-oops." She finished singing in alarm she coughed politely "Yes. The doors to your rooms will be unlocked shortly. Please proceed to the ballroom." Mush jumped up and ran over to the door and began tugging at the handle, after a few minutes he noticed the large sign saying 'Push' and blushing he gave it a gentle push and ran through it. He was alarmed to find the ballroom straight outside the door but forgot all about this when he saw Mage standing with Thalia and Maria at the other side of the hall, He ran as fast as he could towards Mage who stared at him with alarm as he through his arms around her.   
"Umm…Mush honey, you might want to get off me now" she said tensely as she tried to remove his arms from around her waist.   
"Woohoo Mage, score!" said Maria, winking. Thalia glared. Suddenly Maria noticed Christian from across the room and sneaked over to him, Thalia continued glaring. The whole happy scene was interrupted by Medda's voice ringing through the room once again. "Right, time for your first evictions" she said warmly, Mush gulped, he knew exactly who he was going to vote for. He blinked and found himself in a small room, sitting on a pink and white striped fluffy chair. "Right Mush, would you like to tell the nation who you would like to evict?" came the voice from a speaker above a camera.   
"Umm…" he said, unnerved by the camera. "Frank. Please" he said in a quiet voice  
"Right, could you tell us why that is?"  
Mush opened his eyes very wide and moved closer to the camera, he said in little more than a whisper "Because he is very, very scary."  
"Umm…Thank you" said the voice uncertainly. Mush found himself back in the ballroom  
"All participants are reminded that the votes are strictly confidential" said the Medda-voice. One by one they found themselves in the small room talking to the camera about who they wanted to leave, the results came in:  
  
Bumlets: fishy-fish-fish the third  
Fishy-fish-fish the third: Bumlets  
Dutchy: Tried to vote for Medda then realised he couldn't and settled for Blink, deciding that the castle just wasn't big enough for two blondes.  
Miss Nelly: Princess Gwen. They had developed an intense dislike for each other.  
Denise: Professor Chinwag  
Bertie: Denise  
Thalia: Mage.  
Mage: Princess Gwen  
Maria: Professor Chinwag. She didn't want to catch fleas.  
Blink: Bumlets, he was jealous of his hair.  
Christian: Blink. He did not approve of lust.  
Jack Kelly: Thalia. He wanted to be the leader again.  
Professor Chinwag: Maria. She was annoying him.  
Mush: Frank as we already know.  
Princess Gwen: Frank. She wanted to steal his necklace.  
Frank: Mush…because he knew through his all-seeing eye that Mush had voted for him.  
Skittery: Mush. That boy was way too happy.  
To be continued….. 


End file.
